Ch. 12–3: How the Sultan of Melaka Got Cock-​Blocked

The final section of this chapter begins with Sultan Mansur Syah sitting in his hall of audience, in the presence of all his chiefs, ministers, eunuchs/​courtiers (“sida-​sida”), and warriors. He says to all the chiefs: “We thank Almighty God that He has granted us such a great kingdom, but I have one further wish: to have more wives than any other king on this planet.” And the chiefs reply: “Is there anyone else Your Majesty desires? After all, you are already married to a Javanese princess AND a Chinese princess. In the distant past, only Raja Iskandar Zulqarnain was fly enough to marry the daughter of the Raja of China, but now you have matched him.” And Sultan Mansur Syah replies: “To just marry princesses is something any old king can do. But I want to marry someone that no other king has managed; yes, that’s what I want.” And all the chiefs say, “Tell us more, so that we can carry out your wish!” Sultan Mansur Syah says, “I want to marry the Princess of Mount Ledang. I command the Laksamana and Sang Setia to get it done.” And the Laksamana and Sang Setia say, “Yes, Your Majesty.” Tun Mamad is then commanded to go with the men of Inderagiri to clear the (jungle) path, because Tun Mamad is the headman of Inderagiri. The Laksamana and Sang Setia go along with him.

After a journey of a few days, they arrive at the foot of Mount Ledang and start their ascent. When they are about halfway up, they encounter a strong wind that makes further progress impossible; their path is now very difficult. Tun Mamad says to the Laksamana and Sang Setia, “You both stay here. Let me go up ahead.” The Laksamana says, “OK.” So Tun Mamad goes, bringing the two fastest men, up the mountain. And when they come close to the ‘yearning bamboo’ (“buluh perindu”), the wind becomes so strong that the men feel like they might fly off the mountain! The clouds seem close enough to be touched, and the tune of the yearning bamboo is so melodious that even the birds in flight come down to listen, and every creature (“mergastua”) that hears it becomes enchanted.

Tun Mamad comes to a garden and enters it. He meets four women, one of whom is elderly but fine-​looking (is she a GILF?), and she asks him: “Who are you and where are you from?” Tun Mamad replies, “I am from Melaka. My name is Tun Mamad. I come to do the bidding of Sultan Mansur Syah, who wants to ask for the hand of the Princess of Mount Ledang in marriage. But, please, what is your name?” And the woman replies: “I am Dang Raya Rani. I am the guardian of the Princess of Mount Ledang. Wait here. I will tell the Princess why you are here.” After she says this, she and the other women vanish (“lenyaplah”).

A second later, a different older woman appears, but this one is hideous and is triply hunch­backed (“bongkok tiga lipat belakangnya”) giving an entirely unappetising twist to:

This ugly-​ass crone tells Tun Mamad: “Your words have been presented by Dang Raya Rani to the Princess of Mount Ledang. And the Princess has said: ‘If the Raja of Melaka wants to marry me, he needs to build a bridge of gold and another of silver, connecting Melaka to Ledang mountain. As for a betrothal offering (“pemin­angnya”), I want seven trays of the hearts of mosquitoes, seven trays of the hearts of mites (“hati kuman”), a vat of young areca-​nut water, a vat of tears, a cup of the king’s blood, and a cup of his son’s blood. Once these conditions are fulfilled, I will accept the Raja of Melaka’s proposal.” After she says all this, the old biddy vanishes. According to those who tell this story, the hideous woman was the Princess of Mount Ledang herself, but in disguise.

Tun Mamad climbs down from the place and meets the Laksamana. He conveys the words of the Princess of Mount Ledang to the Laksamana and Sang Setia. So the Laksamana and all his companions descend the mountain and walk back to Melaka. After some time, they reach Melaka. The Laksamana, Sang Setia and Tun Mamad present themselves to Sultan Mansur Syah, and repeat to him the words of the Princess of Mount Ledang. And Sultan Mansur Syah says, “I would have granted everything she asked — except for the cup of my son’s blood, because I don’t have the heart to do it.”

Sep 13, 2010 – 3:36 AM | By Amir Muhammad | Posted in Blog Post | Comments (908)

Previous Chapters

  • CH 15–2: How Kampar Got Steamrolled by Melaka
  • CH. 15–1: How a Melakan Warrior Had to Wait Before Kicking Haru Asses
  • Ch. 14–5: Why the Bendahara Mentions Royal Horniness on His Deathbed
  • Ch. 14–4: How Melaka Delivered a Smackdown to Pahang
  • Ch. 14–3: How the Sultan of Melaka Turned into a Kick-​ass Vigilante
  • Ch. 14–2: How a Grandmother From Hell is Stopped from Committing Regicide
  • Ch 14–1: How the People of Campa Ended Up in Melaka
  • Ch. 13: How the Pasai King’s Uppity Words Lost Him a Valuable Ally
  • Ch. 12–3: How the Sultan of Melaka Got Cock-​Blocked
  • Ch 12–2: How The Pasai Philosopher Answers (or Not) a Riddle from Melaka
  • Ch. 12–1: Why the Horny Prince of Mengkasar Goes on a Destructive Spree
  • Ch. 11: How a Game of Sepak Raga Turned Deadly
  • Ch. 10: How the Raja of China Cured His Skin Problem
  • Ch. 9–5: How the Sultan of Melaka Got His Elephant Back
  • Ch. 9–4: How the Raja of China’s Daughter Came to Melaka
  • Ch. 9–3: How Hang Tuah Killed Hang Kasturi
  • Ch. 9–2: How the Melakans Responded to the King of Majapahit’s Practical Jokes
  • Ch. 9–1: How the Queen of Majapahit Chose Her Husband
  • Ch. 8–2: How Melaka Became Siam’s BFF
  • Ch. 8–1: How the Siamese Were Fooled
  • Ch. 7: Why The Bendahara of Melaka Committed Suicide
  • Ch. 6–3: How Melaka was Founded, and Then Became Muslim
  • Ch. 6–2: How a King’s Horniness Got Him into Trouble with His Brother
  • Ch. 6–1: How Islam Came to the Malay World
  • Ch. 5: How Eating Vomit Can Make You A Superman
  • Ch. 4: How Singapura Repaid Majapahit’s Insult
  • Ch. 3: How Singapore Got Its Name
  • Ch. 2: How China Saved Itself
  • Ch. 1: Alexander?

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